


Something Old, Something New

by natisrapunzel



Category: Free!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Post-Break Up, Weddings, haru pov
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-07-08 13:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natisrapunzel/pseuds/natisrapunzel
Summary: “Haru,” he said evenly, gently enough for Haru to feel more on edge about where this conversation was going. “It’s been five years. Do you want—can’t you tell me what happened?”Makoto's upcoming wedding forces Haru to reunite with someone he thought he'd never have to see again--his old rival and ex-boyfriend, Matsuoka Rin. After their heated breakup, he's certain the redhead has no desire to even speak to him. Haru plans to do the same, but memories and buried feelings start to get in his way. As the date draws nearer and nearer, Haru is faced with a choice--confront Rin about their history to see if they can move beyond their troubled past, or let him go for good.(told in Before/After chapters.)





	1. Chapter 1

AFTER

Clang.

Haru’s hands stilled over the glass vase he had just dropped, vacantly staring at his empty fingers. Across from him, he watched Makoto wince, then hesitantly reach forward and stand it back up. He kept staring vacantly at his best friend’s living room table, the identical vases arranged in front of them blurring together in his vision. Breathe, he told himself. His shoulders were painfully tense. He wasn’t sure he could relax them if he wanted to.

“I thought it would be rude of me to just invite Gou,” his best friend mumbled. His words were like white noise to the raven. Makoto’s living room was suddenly too hot. His hands fell lifelessly against the table, his thumbs loosely gripping the edge for support. He felt like he was going to be sick. Realizing Haru was remaining silent, he continued, “And we were friends. I’d like to have him there.”

The look he gave Makoto told him how much he disagreed. Makoto, in return, gave him a pleading look in return, to which Haru just looked away. He bore holes in Makoto’s carpeting, hating the spark of pity he saw in his best friend’s eyes. He hated that his concern was validated. Right now, he was formulating ways to covertly cancel his hotel reservations and become a hermit in his apartment for the next two months.

He saw Makoto frown out of the corner of his eye, having read Haru’s thoughts. “You can’t skip my wedding,” Makoto said delicately. “First of all, you’re the best man. So. That would be really sucky of you to not show.”

He could only make a small noise of agreement in response. He didn’t trust himself to say anything else. Makoto’s wedding was very important to him—he wanted to be a part of such a special day for his best friend. Still, every molecule in him was deathly opposed to his attendance. He felt like he was going to combust with stress over the idea. Scenes of seeing him casually leaning on their old friends, decked in some fancy Australian suit and tie, were swarming his mind without ceasing. What if he caught Haru’s eye? He didn’t know what would be worse—those eyes widening in surprise or turning away.

Haru let out a deep breath. Breathe, he thought again. He began counting the table markers to distract himself from his thoughts. Maybe none of those scenarios would actually happen, he told himself. Makoto had always had a lot of friends. The wedding will probably have seas of people, and we’ll never have to see each other. Or maybe…

“Have they RSVP’d?” he heard himself ask. He smiled to himself, already predicting the answer. He would have to know Haru would be Makoto’s best man. There’s no way he would decide to attend himself. Rin held grudges far longer than Haru did, so if he was still pissed, it was practically guaranteed the redhead would want to stay as far away as possible from him. He felt his shoulders loosen a little at the realization. Yeah, there was no way he would be showing up. No possible universe where he would run into Haru on his way outside to compose himself after spouting tearful congratulations to the couple. They wouldn’t freeze when they realized who they had stumbled into, their eyes wide as saucers as they took in every inch of the other stood in front of them. He wouldn’t be torn between jumping as far away from him as he physically could or remaining glued in his place, merely inches apart from his figure, forever.

He tried to unclench his jaw. Nope, he didn’t have to worry about that at all.

Placing a table marker in the closest vase, Makoto sighed. “No, he hasn’t,” he said. Haru’s small smile grew with the affirmation. He wasn’t coming for sure, then. But just as he was starting to think he was in the clear, he suddenly felt something warm covering his hand clenching the table. Flinching, he looked up to see his best friend meeting his gaze with uncharacteristic intensity. Immediately, he wanted to look away—Makoto would be able to see right through his shit—but his green eyes and tight grip on his hand provided him no escape.

“Haru,” he said evenly, gently enough for Haru to feel more on edge about where this conversation was going. “It’s been five years. Do you want—can’t you tell me what happened?”

Haru’s stomach plummeted. No, I can’t, he thought, but couldn’t physically admit it. With the way Makoto’s eyes softened with pity, it seemed that his expression was enough to relay the message. Instantly, he looked away, scowling at the carpeting. Haru didn’t understand why this was happening. He had a great life, nothing to cause others to worry about him. He had a good job—head chef at his favorite mackerel restaurant in Tokyo—which he took after retiring from swimming. He had a nice apartment, close enough to Makoto’s so they could play video games or hang out. He went out on weekends with Nagisa and Rei. Although he wasn’t the most talkative, Nagisa’s boisterous energy was infectious, and he would always leave the pair smiling. He was happy with his life. But then someone brought up Rin, and it was like some pit inside him re-opened and sucked him back down.

No one ever spoke of it. The first time the Iwatobi team got together afterwards, Haru nearly was ill at his teammates subtle glances and silent conversations, but the silent weight of him not being there made him the most nauseous. Even when the years passed, no one dared to broach the subject with him. Not even Makoto had heard the full story, only fragments he had spilled in incoherent sobs the night afterwards while his best friend held him. That’s how he wanted it to be. He buried it deep enough to forget most of the time. But now, he might have to face every memory and regret if he met those magenta eyes in a crowded wedding reception. Haru figured a slap to the face would have the same effect.

“I can un-invite him,” he heard Makoto say, his gentle voice trying to coax the raven out of his mind. He felt him squeeze his hand reassuringly. “It’s more important that you’re there, Haru. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable—”

“No, don’t cancel it,” Haru mumbled. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Makoto flinch in surprise. He tried to ground his thoughts and relax his shoulders more to help convince Makoto of his sincerity. “It’ll be fine.”

“It will.” It wasn’t a question. Makoto’s eyebrow was raised so high it blended in with his hair.

Haru nodded tersely. Across from him, he saw Makoto study him for a moment before shrugging. “If you say so,” he chirped, then went back to filling vases, not-so-subtly eyeing Haru from behind the glass. Haru remained stoic. He had meant what he said—he had just panicked earlier because he had never expected that. Never even dreamed he’d have to be in the same room as the redhead after their last race. But it didn’t matter, he reminded himself. There was no way he would show. Why make Makoto waste more international postage? And if he did—

His heart seized at the thought.

If he did. Haru breathed steadily, then unclenched his hands from the table and reached for a vase to fill. They would be seated far away from each other. Hundreds of family and friends would create enough of a crowd for him to hide if he needed an escape. It would be too crowded for him to even find his slicked-back red hair in the mass of people, he thought, and definitely too loud to hear his annoying laugh again.

But if he saw him again, dressed in a suit and his head thrown back in laughter—

He set the vase down on the table too harshly, and Makoto jerked up at the noise. Haru just silently moved to the next one, ignoring it. It would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))
> 
> i'm sorry this is so angsty! i have most of c2 written which is a "before" chapter, so all of the fluffy, pre-dating awkward rinharu we all love and adore. however, this fic is gonna be an angsty mess, so strap yourselves in and grab a cup of tea to sip!
> 
> thank you for reading, and if you're coming from open road, thanks so much for following my work! i hope that you guys enjoy. this idea is really important to me and i hope you love it as much as i do.


	2. Chapter 2

BEFORE

3rd Year

“Beach day! Beach day! Beach da—”

“Nagisa, can you quiet down a bit? It’s seven in the morning!”

“Rei-chann!” Nagisa wailed, leaning heavily against him. “I can’t help it! I’m just so excited!”

Rei scowled, burying his head in his hands. Nagisa jostled him again, leaning behind him to get a better view out the train window. Holding the railing next to the pair, Makoto smiled at their antics, but looked at Rei with undeniable pity, especially as Nagisa continued to lean nearly his entire torso across Rei’s back to watch the ocean come into view. He chuckled quietly as Rei finally snapped, making eye contact with Haru for a second to say “here we go again” before intervening. Haru watched all of them and was strangely content. It was really early for them to be so extra, but he was happy to be with his team anyways. Even with—

Suddenly, he felt a warm weight leaning against his shoulder. He jerked, whirling to scowl at Rin only to be met with the redhead smirking victoriously. Haru’s eyes narrowed at the arm Rin was resting on his shoulder, but he made no move to shove him away. Annoyingly, he felt every centimeter of where they were connected more acutely, as if it was on fire.

“Makoto told me we aren’t training today, and this trip is all about having fun together,” Rin drawled, the ridiculous smirk never leaving his face, “But for you and me, what’s more fun than a casual race?”

Haru wanted to grumble, “nothing’s casual with you,” but bit it back. He didn’t want Rin to think he disliked how serious he took everything, how dedicated he could make himself to whatever he was passionate about. The redhead deserved more credit for how hard he worked, and shouldn’t feel like Haru was slighting him for something he admired. “If you want to lose on your day off,” he settled on mumbling. As expected, Rin blanched, but his arm remained on Haru’s shoulder like a brand.

Haru had just managed to get his heartbeat under control when Rin started leaning in closer. Against his will, he felt his breath catch in his throat. His smirk seemed to only grow as he hovered inches away from Haru’s cheek, his hair nearly hitting the raven’s ear. Haru’s thoughts were going a mile a minute, so fast and jumbled all rationality was getting trampled. All he knew was the tiny flecks of gold in Rin’s eyes, so close to his. His smell was overpowering—like the pool and the first day of spring, when the flowers had just bloomed. Haru was sure he would suffocate in it.  
Rin’s eyebrows raised, preparing to boast. He taunted, “I won’t be the one—" and suddenly, his eyes flicked down from Haru’s eyes to…his mouth? His heart rate spiked; his thoughts were stampeding in his head. But in the next second, Rin was ducking his head towards his lap, his whole form shaking as he coughed profusely. He hacked for a few more moments, intensely enough that their teammates across from them went silent. Haru remained frozen, his hand hovering behind Rin’s back, wanting to help but unable to reach out. He was still shell-shocked from watching Rin’s eyes on him so closely. Still, he wanted to help him. Hesitantly, he patted Rin’s back in the lightest way possible, as if that touch alone could stop the coughs from coming.

“Oi, stop it,” he mumbled. He wanted to add—I want you to be healthy. Or, I care about you. Instead, he kept his lips shut tightly and hoped Makoto couldn’t recognize his expression.

“I can’t help it!” Rin nearly shrieked, finally snapping his head back up. His face had gone completely red, which made Haru’s insides flutter. Just from the coughing, he reprimanded himself. Because of course, that was the logical explanation. Still, the gullible part of him latched onto the idea that maybe he had been flustered by being so close to him, too.

The redhead huffed, yanking at his collar so strongly Haru worried it would tear. (He hated the pang of worry that he felt at the action—it was annoying how much Haru liked the maroon shirt that looked illegally soft.) Even though his coughing had subsided, he was still breathing hard, and Haru’s stomach clenched in response. Taking a shaky breath, he gingerly leaned closer to his friend, scarcely breathing as he neared him. “Are you okay.” He tried to ask, but it sounded like a statement. He didn’t bother to correct it—he was grateful he managed to choke that out—and just hoped he wasn’t going to get a blush to match Rin’s.

The expression on Rin’s face was priceless. His eyes bugged so wide they nearly fell out of his head, his jaw slack as he stared at Haru. Then, he coughed again. Haru’s eyes narrowed, and he shifted away. Somehow, he had made Rin cough more. He stared daggers at the aisle, willing his comment to crawl back inside of him.

“I’m fine,” he bit out. From the corner of his eye, Haru saw him roughly rake a hand through his hair. Then, seemingly composing himself, he was leaning towards him again, throwing more of his weight on Haru’s shoulder. He tensed, narrowing his eyes as his head snapped back to face his annoying ex-teammate. Rin was nearly leering at him. “If you’re thinking this’ll affect how well I can race you, you don’t need to worry about that.” His eyes were glinting with something that seemed very dangerous to Haru, but he didn’t know in what way.

Rin was so aggravating, riling him up like this so early in the morning. He was too cocky and his face was way too close to his. He turned away quickly, really hoping he wasn’t blushing. It wasn’t as if he even cared who won or lost in their race—it was never super important to him. What riled him up was the way Rin pushed him and never quit; the way Rin made him want to be better both for himself and because he knew it would help the other boy be better, too.No one else made Haru feel like this. He had long accepted his draw to match Rin’s pace, but was just recently realizing how deep his draw to his friend went, and what emotions had always been pooling underneath. 

He had realized it in an accumulation of things—the look in Rin’s eyes when he passed over him in a relay exchange, the thrill of feeling him race in the lane next to him, the soft words that came so easily to him that were so honest and admiring of him, the way he missed the constant pressure on his shoulder from his arm when he was at Samezuka. At first, he buried it. There was no way anything could happen between them. With Rin’s boisterous personality, there was no way he didn’t have lines of girls waiting to confess, girls that would want to go to parties with him and be the center of attention, keeping their audience in the palm of their hands with mesmerizing stories and unapologetic laughter. Haru couldn’t imagine a scenario where Rin wouldn’t be at home there, and he couldn’t fathom making him settle for anything less. He would never want anything less than that, a love fit for an award-winning romcom. So he buried the annoying butterflies and shifted his shoulder so Rin’s arm fell off of it.

“Whatever,” he grumbled, staring intensely at his hands knit in his lap. He heard Rin huff next to him, but the redhead shifted, his arm settling against his side instead of attempting to lean on his shoulder again. Even though he had moved away, he felt a pang of emptiness at its absence. He needed to get over this—hopefully, before they went their separate ways in four months, so he could actually enjoy their time together without overthinking every little interaction they had. Rin didn’t even like guys. Yet, every tiny touch made Haru’s senses heighten to every affected molecule and search for the hidden meaning. It was ridiculous. Rin was ridiculous. Haru needed to be in the water as soon as physically possible to forget this ever happened.

But in the water, he was even more aware of Rin’s presence. He had immediately stripped when they were not even halfway to the open water, too focused on swimming as soon as possible. He had been swimming freestyle for not even five minutes, blissfully surrounded by the too-chilly ocean water, when he noticed a presence to his right with an abrupt shock. From the stream of water that was hitting him, he knew the source immediately. He was annoyed at the way his stomach fluttered at the realization, enough to where he gave up on swimming free and began to tread water. Seconds later, Rin surfaced a few feet away, smirking as he paddled closer. Haru was struck by how his hair darkened with the water. Without a cap, his dark purple hair was dangling in his eyes and sticking to his forehead in an annoyingly attractive way. Haru forced himself to not duck back underwater to avoid seeing him, especially as he began to speak.

“Sorry if I swam too close,” he said, his grin growing wider and more shit-eating. “I didn’t mean to make it too hard for you to swim next to.”

Always a dig. Haru fought against looking away. He didn’t want to back down from Rin’s chiding comment, didn’t want to show how much he was getting riled up by the stupid teasing. “It was fine,” he said evenly. He had the brief thought of fighting back. Drained from swimming against the tide and dealing with Rin’s antics, he acted upon it. “I was making sure swimming next to me wasn’t too difficult for you.”

Rin snorted. Haru knew he would cross his arms if he wasn’t using them to stay afloat. “I was fine. I’m used to swimming with people just as fast as me. But this is new for you—especially with the ocean’s current—you don’t have to be shy to say it’s a bit too intense.”

Haru felt some sort of fire burning inside of him. This was all just teasing, he reminded himself. But still…Rin was staring at him, his eyes lit and grin so annoyingly wide and open and his stomach was doing summersaults. Cheeks heating, he couldn’t think of any other response than flicking water at the redhead. He watched the wave of water cascade—his heart clenching as he realized it was more than he intended to splash with—in slow-motion. Rin tensed, his eyes shutting as the water hit. The sight made his lips quirk upward, even as Rin finished blinking the water away and stared at him with pure rage.

“Oi, don’t smile at that!” He yelped, but Haru’s expression remained the same. It was too pleasing for him to finally get a rise out of the redhead when Rin had been doing the same all day. He was still smiling when he lunged towards him, his body splashing water up against his torso, but nothing else. Haru dodged another attempt deftly, making Rin groan in frustration. “Stop moving so fast and let me splash you!” He complained.

“Guess you just need to move faster,” Haru said breezily. As he predicted, Rin’s eyes widened and then narrowed in record time. The redhead abruptly hurled a handful of water straight at Haru. He recovered quickly, launching another large splash at Rin before promptly diving underwater and swimming as fast as he could go. Moments later, he sensed Rin swimming behind him. Much to Haru’s frustration, he was catching up relatively fast, and soon he knew they were next to each other. He was much more aware of that fact when he was suddenly yanked upwards by a strong hand wrapping around his arm. It was so abrupt he was powerless to escape, and surfaced with a cough in his throat and his back against Rin’s torso.

“Hah!” Rin’s voice was still loud with the water in his ears. He became aware of his situation in fragmented thoughts—the sun beating down on them, Rin’s arm wrapped around his torso, his back flush against Rin’s firm chest. His heart leapt in his throat. Immediately, he made to break free of Rin’s grip, but he held the raven tightly in place. Haru tried to school his thoughts away from anything seemingly romantic when he felt more water splash against his face.

“There,” Rin breathed, his breaths coming out in pants that warmed Haru’s shoulder, cold from the brisk seawater. “Now we’re even.” Haru tried to kick him from behind, but he felt Rin dodge. He, too, was trying to catch his breath from the brief “race”, but it was hard with how fast his heart was beating. Even though Rin had got his revenge, he was making no move to release him. Haru’s mind was spinning to figure out why. He knew he should try to escape again, but a masochistic part of him wanted to stay close to him while he still could, even though it probably meant nothing to Rin.  
As if realizing their position himself, he heard Rin take a sharp breath. His arm suddenly jerked off of him like he was on fire, and Haru was unceremoniously dumped in the water. Haru knew it likely wasn’t planned, but he couldn’t help the way his heart clenched while he fell into a rhythm of treading water. Feeling some shift in the water, he risked a glance over his shoulder to see Rin treading water slightly away from the raven, his expression for once fixed on the waves and not on him. Haru felt even more confused, especially when his obnoxiously loud friend stayed silent.

He swallowed. He hoped he hadn’t done anything that made Rin aware of his feelings, or made him uncomfortable. Internally, he berated himself for not getting away sooner. It was unfair to Rin for him to have these stupid ulterior motives in their encounters. He wished yet again that his life could be simple again, when moving in the water was what transfixed him above all else instead of a determined red-haired swimmer. The feelings were making him feel called to do things he’d never cared about before, like breaking the current silence between them. Haru was never the one to start conversations, especially with his rival, but treading next to Rin and hearing nothing but the rocking of the waves was making him uneasy. No, it was more than an uncomfortable silence—he wanted to talk to Rin, to listen to what he was saying. It was aggravating. He wanted to go back to how he was before, where he was content to listen to his friend’s chattering and return to the seclusion of his room. Now, he was about to willingly start a conversation with the most rambly of his friend group, because he genuinely wanted to hear whatever he’d say. He didn’t know why this had happened to him.

“I would’ve won,” he heard himself mumble. What? That didn’t make any sense, he thought to himself frantically. Think of something teasing, like Rin likes to say, he told himself. “If you hadn’t cheated, that is,” he blurted out. His gaze shot down to the dark waves between them just as he caught a glimpse of Rin’s snapping up. Internally, he smiled. He was glad Rin wasn’t upset or weirded out by whatever had just happened. He fought enough for Haru to participate—he thought he should return the favor.

“Oi, I didn’t cheat,” Rin said. From the tone of his voice, Haru thought he might be sneering. “I was finishing what you started, remember?”

He shrugged. “You get wet in the water, Rin. You should be used to it if you want to swim so much.”

Rin laughed, the sound like a sharp wheeze. This time, it did coax a small smile out of the raven. He remembered the trilling, harshly loud laughs Rin was constantly spewing when they were kids. Sometimes, he missed those days, when they were more carefree with each other and Rin’s grin was always there. But then again, there was something magical about this—hearing one of his rare laughs was like finding some treasure. His rare smiles felt more meaningful, too; even though Rin’s was small, his eyes were shining, the water and the sun’s reflection making them look even brighter.

With a start, Haru realized he had been staring, and immediately looked down at the water again. He heard Rin swim closer, probably open his mouth to say something taunting, when a cry from the beach made both of them flinch. “Lunchtime!” Nagisa yelled. “Stop making goo goo eyes at each other and come in!”

Haru flinched again at the insinuation. He knew what his feelings were, but no one else did—not even Makoto. So to hear Nagisa joke that they were an item…did it seem like they were from the outside? He risked a glance at Rin to see his face as red as if he was sunburnt. When they swam in, Rin seemed to make a point at not looking his way, as if he was very aware of Haru’s presence but incapable of acknowledging it. It made Haru even more confused. Was he embarrassed that Nagisa made that assumption? Or was he just as flustered too? He thought briefly of asking, but immediately decided against it. He didn’t want to make Rin more uncomfortable than he already was.

Rin was much more animated during lunch, arguing with Rei about the aesthetic choices of a recent popular movie. Even still, Haru stayed back. It wasn’t uncommon of him to be more reserved. It was just with a purpose this time. Although nothing had happened, he felt Nagisa’s comment as a call out that he was being unfair to his friend by not being open about his feelings. He saw a need to either be honest with Rin about what he felt or stop getting close, both to avoid hurting Rin and himself. Talking was out of the question—it would make Rin even more uncomfortable, and Haru didn’t think he could handle tainting the short time they had together by a confession. He would get over it—especially if he distanced himself in their group hangouts. That way, when they would meet up over breaks, it would be normal between them. It would be fine, he thought, watching Rin’s head tilt back as a laugh burst out of him, too big for his body. His heart clenched. Fine.

*

Haru was watching the fan spin above him as if he was hypnotized by it. Around him, everyone was settling down for the night. After their lunch, the group had spent some more time in the water and making sand castles until the sun was setting. They took the last train back, disturbing the other passengers at their loud storytelling and laughs, and decided to continue the fun day by sleeping over at Haru’s. While Haru made dinner, Rin FaceTimed Gou to explain why he wasn’t coming home, and the group ended up chatting with her until they were well-stuffed with mackerel and ready for sleep. Haru had pulled out guest futons, one for himself as well, so the five of them were tucking themselves in on his living room floor. He closed his eyes, Nagisa’s whispers from across the room lulling him to sleep. Usually, so much time with friends drained him, but something about the energy the group had today made him want to stay together, to keep this feeling of togetherness going for a little bit longer.

Makoto had shut the lights off ten minutes before, but the five were all aware they weren’t going to sleep soon. So far, they had been mostly quiet, besides some of Nagisa’s giggling, but all of the sudden, the blonde broke the silence with a statement. “I’m gonna miss you guys,” he confessed. Haru felt a twinge in his chest—he knew he would, too. Especially one annoying rival, destined to be an ocean away from him all too soon.

“Me too,” he heard Makoto say from the futon next to him. “But we’ll keep in touch. We all have phones.”

“If Haru learns how to use his,” came a drawl from Haru’s left. His head whipped so Rin could see his disinterested look. However, when their gazes locked, Haru felt his whole stomach plummet. Rin wasn’t staring at him with a smirk like he had expected. In the soft lighting, it almost looked as if he was staring at him with the same mushy expression he got watching those romcoms. Seeing he was caught, Rin’s cheeks darkened, and he averted his gaze quickly. It made Haru’s heart catapult as much as he willed it to be calm. He was probably mistaken, anyways.

“This friendship truly has been beautiful,” said Rei, causing the tension to break into laughter from the team and even a small smile from Haru. He continued, “It’s refreshing how we can tell each other anything.”

In the next moment, Haru heard a sharp cry from Rei’s side of the room. He barely lifted his head to see Nagisa leaning over Rei’s futon, his arm having just slapped Rei’s. “That wasn’t a good transition at all, Rei-chan!” Nagisa wailed. Haru’s brow furrowed in confusion and he settled back down in his futon.

“How else was I supposed to bring it up?” Rei snapped. Makoto snorted. A moment of silence passed before Rei spoke up again. “We can tell each other anything. Nagisa and I want to tell you something. It is very important information for the both of us, but we feel will be of interest to you—”

“Rei-chan and I are dating~” Nagisa nearly sang. Haru’s eyes shot wide open again. Raising his head off of the pillow, he took in the pair, their hands clasped together and staring at the rest of their team with warm expressions. Haru’s heart melted for their confession, for their happiness, and for being comfortable enough with them to talk about it. He wasn’t sure if he would ever be ready to come out, let alone be so openly in love with someone else.

“That’s great, you two!” Makoto said cheerily. From the brunette’s expression, he really meant it. Haru offered the pair the biggest smile he could muster, as well as mumbling, “Congratulations.” 

At the silence that followed, Haru felt his gaze drift to Rin uncontrollably. The redhead was staring at their clasped hands, his expression unreadable. Haru knew he was a loving guy, but nonetheless, fear entered his heart that he could be disapproving of their friends’ relationship. His heart sunk as he thought of how he would treat Haru if he only knew.

Rin let out a shaky breath; Haru wasn’t sure if he was letting any out himself, watching Rin. Then, he whispered, “I have something to tell you guys, too.” He took a shaky breath, then said all in a rush, “I’mgaytoo.” He shut his eyes, his hands fisting his borrowed comforter. Haru’s heartbeat was pounding in his ears. He might have misheard…but Rin was saying things again, opening his eyes and taking a long breath. “I’m gay, too.”

Haru hoped his jaw hadn’t fallen slack. He was definitely staring at the redhead. He supposed that was more allowed now, but he still felt as if he shouldn’t be gaping during such a tender moment. They were so unbelievably vulnerable and trusting, the three of them sharing their sexualities, and it warmed Haru at the trust between the five of them. A tiny piece of him urged him to join in and confess himself, but the anxiety kept the thought tightly locked up. He trusted them, he really did. He just didn’t think he was ready to be open himself. Besides, they deserved this moment, the five of them smiling in his dark living room, more honest with themselves in the group than they had ever been before.

“Thank you for trusting us with this, Rin,” Makoto said. The redhead’s lips stretched into a thin smile towards the brunette. His eyes then fell on Haru, and the whole world seemed to tilt. The raven’s shoulders were tense as they could possibly go. From the looks of it, so were Rin’s. His typically open-book face was showing so many emotions at once—fear, determination, and something else—it was almost overloading to look at. Haru wished for once in his life he could say exactly what he felt. He was proud of Rin for being open, honored that he was trusted. But under everything else, he was selfishly excited at the revelation, because that meant there was somewhat of a chance that Rin felt the same way about him.

“I’m proud of you guys,” he scarcely breathed out. At his words, Rin inhaled sharply. He heard Nagisa wailing “Haru-chaaaans” across the room, Rei awkwardly accepting the praise, but his sole focus remained on Rin. The redhead hadn’t stopped looking in Haru’s eyes, and it was doing bad things to Haru’s heart rate. More questions started kept piling in Haru’s mind that he was afraid to answer. He was constantly teasing the raven—invading his personal space and trying to get a rise out of him. Every touch that Haru had honed in on, wondering if it had been something more…could it have? He hoped his expression was schooled as he looked at Rin, who had been looking at him minutes earlier with such a gooey expression. He wanted to look away, to shut out all of his theories that were undoubtedly just getting his hopes up, but…he could never back down from Rin.

Nagisa brought the attention back to him, building up the tale on how he swept Rei off of his feet, and the pair eventually looked away to watch Rei’s flustered reactions. They all talked long into the night, Haru more silent, and eventually drifted off. Haru found his eyes following the fan above him hours after he had first heard Nagisa’s snores. Every moment between him and Rin where they had gotten close was running over in his mind. He was probably overthinking it again—after all, Rin was a very touchy person—but he kept coming back to the way his voice lilted when he teased Haru, when he constantly pestered Haru and no one else. It didn’t make sense to him. Rin would want to pursue someone who had witty comebacks, another center of attention. Not him. As much as he wanted it to be.

Rin’s presence just centimeters away burned at Haru all through the night. He wasn’t sure he had even slept by the time his teammates made to leave in the morning. After a hurried breakfast, the lovebirds stumbled out, Makoto following so he could babysit his younger siblings. That left Rin swiping through his phone on Haru’s porch, the raven watching him, frozen in his doorway. Rin didn’t seem as tense towards him as he had been when he had confessed—when he could have sworn Rin was recognizing the same connection Haru felt. Recognizing the feelings Haru had for him, and possibly reciprocating. Haru wanted to shake his head to rid of the thought. He couldn’t get his hopes up; moreover, he couldn’t ruin their friendship. But still—

“Oi,” Rin said, the word low and dragging and lighting Haru’s skin on fire. He flinched, but remained hovering in the doorway, unsure if he was welcome closer to the redhead. “You don’t have to be…weird around me now.” He raked a hand through his hair, then jerked his hand down suddenly, clearly frustrated. “Because you know who I’m attracted to.”

Haru’s heart sank to a point lower than he had thought possible. “I’m not,” he managed to choke out, willing every word he meant into those two. Words like, I understand. I feel the same. I don’t know how to operate because I have feelings for you. He took one step out of the doorframe. Instantly, he wanted to go back, because Rin’s chin jerked up to him. His eyes were like fires.

“You are, though.” There was no bite in his words, no lilt. Only sadness. Haru’s chest felt like it was concaving. Of their own free will, his legs carried him to Rin’s side and lowered him to the porch floor. His eyes were scanning Rin’s desperately, trying to communicate the thoughts his words couldn’t formulate. Rin looked back, his eyes wide but then lifeless, before he glanced away. “I don’t know, maybe I’m just being paranoid. But you’re…really important to me. Haru. I don’t want you to…treat me differently because of this.”

Haru thought of a thousand things he wanted—needed—to tell the boy next to him. He didn’t deserve to be treated any less because of his sexuality. Haru never would treat him differently. He hated that Rin was worried about that. But instead, for the first time in a while, the words he wanted to say most of all came tumbling out of his mouth in some semblance of cohesion. Words he had turned over for hours the night before, that paralyzed him in fear but urged him forward out of a deep want.

“What if I want things to be different?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late everyone! I thought I would be able to keep this up while being at school but things have just been super busy for me. However, I'm on break this week and outlined the ENTIRE STORY so I know where I'm going from here, and should be able to update more regularly! Thank you for reading and commenting, I hope you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

BEFORE

Rin blinked at him. His eyes widened, then fluttered closed and open again, as if he was in disbelief, or trying to look at the sun. Haru was struck with a desperate, insistent wish that they stayed shut so he didn’t have to meet his gaze yet. He was starting to panic. He could hardly breathe watching Rin, desperately wondering what he was thinking and wanting to not-know forever. He was so enthralled in his own thoughts, he nearly flinched when Rin’s eyes flashed open, instantly focusing on Haru’s. His heart was practically slamming against his chest. He didn’t know why he had thought saying that was a good idea, why he had to say something insinuating instead of just acting supportive. Now Rin, who was so easy to read, was staring at him in a way that Haru couldn’t understand.

Haru wasn’t going to speak first. Instead, he clamped his lip shut and stared back at Rin. Even though eye contact made everything inside of him tense, he found he couldn’t look away. With every second he held Rin’s gaze, shots of terror and excitement wracked his whole body. He was so ensnared by the thrill and the horror of it all, he didn’t think he could blink if he tried.  
The silence was so tense, however, Haru felt like he was going to burst at any second. The weight of anticipation was almost crushing him, and the confusing glint in Rin’s expression was only making his heart race faster. However, his stomach nose-dived when Rin opened his mouth to respond.

“What do you—ahem,” Rin cleared his throat, his first words coming out in a near high-pitched squeak. He yanked at his collar, then raked his hand through his hair, never breaking Haru’s gaze. “What do you mean?”

Haru swallowed. This was not a good time for his brain to short-circuit. Nonetheless, as he scrambled to come up with the right words to say, his mind went completely blank. He was frustrated with his difficulty of expressing his thoughts, which was more insurmountable because he was trying to say something so personal. He wanted to get it right. Thinking harder, his gaze dropped to where his hands were knit on his lap. He stared at his fingers as if they could tell him what to say.

He knew what he wanted to tell Rin. He wanted to be just as vulnerable as his friends had been the night before—to proudly say that he was gay, too. And then—he inhaled sharply—Haru wanted to tell him that he had feelings for him. He wanted to make it clear that Rin didn’t owe it to him to reciprocate them—he realized with horror that his first question might have implied that. He was struck with an imperative need to correct that, to make sure Rin understood he wasn’t trying to force something between them. Still…he wanted to ask what Rin felt about him, if any of their moments meant something to him like they always did to Haru. Even if that question, and the potential of being rejected, terrified him.

“Um,” he managed to breathe out, his hands clenching together unconsciously. He couldn’t look at Rin. He was staring so intensely at his hands his vision was becoming a blur of tan and the dark blue of his pants. “I wanted to tell you something yesterday.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rin’s head nod in acknowledgement, cueing him to keep going. Strangely, the motion made Haru feel more at ease. Usually, people waiting for him to talk made him more anxious about speaking, but Rin was making him feel differently. He could feel him staring, but not in an insistent, rushing way. It made him feel like Rin knew how difficult this was for him, and even though he could clearly feel Rin’s tension of wanting to know Haru’s thoughts, he was willing to wait until Haru was ready to share. It made Haru’s heart swell with hope and something else. He had to tell him.

“I’m…like you,” he said eventually. To make sure he understood, he continued, “And Nagisa and Rei.”

“You…like guys?” Rin’s words were barely a whisper.

Haru felt himself nod. His gaze was rigidly focused on his hands. “And I…like you.”

He heard Rin inhale sharply. Haru’s hands clenched tighter. He could feel his ears turning pink and hated it, hated being vulnerable like this. He saw Rin shift and was instantly filled with dread. The redhead had barely said, “Haru—” before he interrupted, letting the rest of his words flood out like a waterfall.

“I said that I wanted things to be different. I shouldn’t have said that. You don’t have to like me back, or change how things are. I just thought you might because of how you always act with me.”

He exhaled deeply when he finished, not wanting to acknowledge that he had actually said all of that. Once he had started, he couldn’t help being honest about everything. Not to mention some unconscious part of him wanted to prevent Rin from responding for as long as possible when he would be let down gently. He still didn’t want to think about that as a possibility; instead, he told himself to blink away the burning sensation he was getting in his eyes from staring at his lap so intensely.

The tension in his shoulders was rising as Rin’s silence continued. Even though he was petrified of what he would say, Haru found himself desperate for the redhead to speak, if only to relieve the anticipation he had built up. However, his companion remained quiet. Haru dared a quick look at the boy next to him, only to be frozen in shock at what he saw.

Rin was positively gaping at him. His jaw was so wide Haru could see perfect rows of his pointy teeth. His eyes were as wide as full moons, and they were roving over him everywhere. The sight made Haru blush, and he ducked his head down to hide from his gaze. He felt something rise in his chest against his will. Sure, Rin wasn’t saying anything, but his dumbstruck expression was making something in Haru turn to goo. He looked shocked, but…happy. Every hope inside of him was screaming, even as he tried to hold the dreams back until Rin replied.  
“You do?” Rin asked. This time, he didn’t correct the way that his voice broke. Haru risked another glance and watched as the redhead’s dumbfound expression expanded into a ridiculously wide smile. It made him feel like he was going to burst. Looking away quickly, he nodded in agreement and tried to keep his breathing even. It was hard as his heart kept pounding faster, especially as he saw Rin shift closer to him on the porch.

Don’t look at him, he told himself, training his eyes straight ahead to ignore Rin’s looming presence beside him. They were now only inches apart. Rin didn’t smell as profoundly him as he usually did because of the sleepover, but Haru felt consumed by it all the same. Don’t look, don’t look, he thought with more and more panic as he watched Rin’s knee slowly slide closer until it was resting against Haru’s. Even through their pants, the touch felt like a burn on Haru’s skin. His head was spinning—his only centering thought was to not look at Rin. But even that thought disappeared, because when the redhead shifted again, Haru couldn’t help turning his head to face him.  
Every rational thought he had vanished when he took in Rin’s hopeful, ginormous smile. Haru’s breath hitched as he watched Rin’s gaze drop before meeting his eyes. “Haru,” Rin said his name like a vow. “I…I like you, too,” he continued. “Shit, Haru, I’ve liked you for ages. I never—I thought you just tolerated me flirting with you. I thought when you found out, you’d hate me for coming on to you. I never thought something would come of it—”

“It’s flirting,” Haru replied calmly. He summoned the rest of his courage to press his knee into Rin’s. “It’s supposed to get that reaction, right?”

Rin stammered, evidently trying and failing to come up with a suave response. He was blinking at Haru so comically the raven couldn’t help but smile slightly. That, and he was beginning to process everything the redhead had said. All the moments Haru had held onto…those had meant something to him as well. He felt tingly and as mushy as Rin’s expression earlier. Still, even though his cheeks kept heating (much to his annoyance), he didn’t break Rin’s gaze. He waited for the redhead collected himself and pretended to look smooth with a tiny smile that showed just how happy he really was.

“I—I guess,” his crush conceded. “But, you…I don’t know. You’ve always been too good for me, Haru.”

Haru’s brow furrowed. “What?” He asked before his brain could catch up with his mouth.  
Rin winced and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m…I don’t know. I’m kind of a mess. Heh, you saw that firsthand last year,” he laughed humorously, dropping Haru’s gaze. Staring at the pavement, he mumbled, “I’m selfish when it comes to you. You deserve someone who wouldn’t have to put on some big show to cover up everything bad about them.”

Haru felt something clench in his chest to hear Rin describe himself that way. He understood the parts of Rin that he was describing—his brashness and ambition—but hated that those attributes seemed to dominate Rin’s view of himself. To Haru, what made Rin himself wasn’t his ambition, but his perseverance. And while he was definitely brash, he was more empathetic and understanding. He wished that he could make Rin understand the way he saw him, flaws and all. He wished Rin saw how every part of him together was breathtaking.

Externally, he just shook his head in disagreement. “You’re wrong,” he said bluntly. He ducked his head out of Rin’s gaze so he couldn’t see the sappiness behind his short response.  
He heard Rin huff, still unconvinced. Haru’s eyes narrowed. Abruptly, he leaned heavily into Rin’s shoulder until the taller boy audibly winced, not relenting even as he tried to shove him off. “Oi, Haru! Knock it off—”

Rin’s protests faded into stammers as Haru turned into him, burrowing his face in the redhead’s shoulder. Haru shut his eyes tightly against his shirt’s fabric. He hoped that from this close, Rin would be able to feel what he was thinking so strongly, but was unable to say. If his words didn’t come through, his closeness still seemed to relax Rin. After a few seconds buried into his shoulder, Haru felt Rin release the tension built up there. A few seconds later, he felt a whisper of a hand against his back. When Haru didn’t flinch, he felt fingers splay out, pressing into his back with more force. They tugged gently, and Haru let himself be pulled closer against Rin’s side. Haru felt his lips turn up into a tiny smile, still hidden from Rin’s view. His heart felt stuck in his throat with everything he was feeling, but he wanted to speak.

“I know,” he managed to whisper. He half-hoped that Rin couldn’t hear him from how deep he was buried in Rin’s shoulder. Still, he desperately wanted him to understand how he felt. Shakily, he breathed, “I know you’re not perfect. I don’t…I don’t want you to be.”

He felt Rin stiffen against him, then huff as if he wanted to respond, but couldn’t refute him. Haru’s smile grew. Tentatively, he nudged his hand out from where it was sandwiched between their sides. Holding his breath, Haru laid it down gingerly on Rin’s knee, his palm up. The moments of waiting for Rin’s response and feeling Rin’s warm hand envelop his seemed to last for centuries, but Haru didn’t mind. When Rin’s fingers slipped through his, he was transported to another plane. Here, buried in Rin’s shoulder, the feel of their hands together was the only thing that mattered.

“You’re sure?” he heard Rin whisper softly. Haru just nestled closer against him. He understood why Rin felt that way, but didn’t know how else to reassure him. If anything, he felt that Rin would be more likely to leave him than the other way around. They were being quiet and soft now because they were alone, but Haru knew how he could get around other people—how he was comfortable with other people. Rin wouldn’t want to give that up to be with Haru, sacrificing being the center of social events to comfort Haru in the corner. These insecurities were weighing on him, but he tried to remind himself of what Rin had just said. He had to trust Rin’s feelings for him were real, that they would last, even though some dark part of him was already planning on them fading. If he was going to comfort Rin’s insecurities, he needed to quiet his own.

“I want to be with you,” he said eventually into Rin’s shirt. “If you want to be with me.”

He felt Rin’s entire body flinch. “H—Haru!” Rin was almost shouting, and Haru almost jumped at the sharp change in volume. An instant later, he was relaxing against him, squeezing his hand. “I—Haru, I just told you—of course I—unless I wasn’t clear—”

“So, yes?” He asked, his voice teasing. He was too pleased with himself as Rin stammered a response. It made the butterflies in his stomach stir up more. For a second, he felt brave enough to pull away from Rin’s shoulder and look at him. His cheeks darkened as he took in Rin’s expression. Everything about his heart eyes and soft smile—not the one he wore with everyone else—made him want to hide again. It was overwhelming to see so much emotion at him, from the person he felt so strongly about, too. He felt like he was going to combust. Still, he didn’t look away. He couldn’t. He had been caught in his orbit.

Rin’s cheeks looked even more dusted pink in the early morning light. His eyes dropped down, and Haru’s stomach plummeted. “Haru…of course,” he said, his voice so gentle Haru worried the wind would carry it away. His eyes flicked back up, and Haru’s heart hammered in his chest. He felt him squeeze his hand again. “I would love to date you.”

To his horror, he could feel himself blushing at Rin’s sappy honesty. Haru had to force himself to not look away or bury himself in Rin’s shirt again. With the last of his willpower, he held Rin’s gaze. “Good,” he choked out.

Rin’s answering smirk was too much. Haru’s head snapped away; his eyes traced the way their hands were woven together on his knee. The way his stomach was flipping should have set him on edge, and while he did feel like he was teetering on the edge of something, he found he loved the rush. All he could do was watch Rin’s blissful grin from the corner of his eye for minutes without saying a word. Rin’s thumb ran over Haru’s hand lazily, as if they had all the time in the world.

The sudden sound of a car engine snapped Haru out of his trance. Flinching, he withdrew himself from Rin’s side just as Mrs. Matsuoka’s car crested his hill. Sneaking a glance at the boy next to him, Haru saw Rin awkwardly adjusting his bracelets, pointedly not looking at him and blushing wildly. Haru felt himself blushing, too, but tried to ignore it. Instead, he let himself be consumed by countless questions about how to proceed from here. How did they say goodbye? Would Rin want to hug, or shake hands, or something more? Could they even do that with his mom with them? Instantly, his eyes darted to Mrs. Matsuoka, who simply smiled cheerily in response. His expression remained tense—his mind screamed that she wouldn’t look that friendly if she knew about his relationship with her son!

“Haru.”

Rin’s voice snapped him out of his spiral. Turning, he felt his shoulders relax when his eyes met Rin’s soft gaze. He seemed like he was trying to say so much in that gentle look, more than Haru knew how to translate, but the general message came through: relax. Haru gulped. He watched as the redhead glanced down for a mere second before looking back up at him hopefully, opening his arms. Haru’s heart felt stuck in his throat as he stepped into Rin’s embrace. He hadn’t even reached his arms halfway around Rin when he was suddenly tugged against the redhead’s chest. With their height difference, Haru’s face barreled into Rin’s collarbone, hiding his bug-eyed expression in his shirt. His eyes widened as Rin’s arms wound tighter around him. Tentatively, Haru wrapped his own around the redhead, but pressed his hands feather-light into his back.

Then, just as suddenly, Rin released him. There were still only inches in between them, which made Haru’s stomach twist. Any worries about Rin’s mom watching flew from his mind when he looked up at Rin. His dark eyes were scanning him, as if trying to understand what Haru was thinking. It made whatever Haru was thinking vanish. After a moment, Rin ducked his head down, and the sight of the tiny close-lipped smile on his lips made Haru’s heart lurch. Then he looked back at him so suddenly it seemed that he wasn’t physically able to look away.

“I’ll text you?” Rin asked. His eyes were wide, and Haru’s heart was pounding. “You know how to use your phone, right?”

Haru ignored the jest. Mostly. He had other things to focus on, like appearing calm in front of the Matsuokas. He nodded in response. Rin’s responding grin was so frustratingly large, and so genuine it should’ve been illegal.

“Alright,” Rin said, his whisper such a contrast to his usual boisterousness. It made their interaction feel more genuine, and made Haru’s heart skip more that Rin would know that was what he needed. “I’ll text you.”

“Okay,” he heard himself say. Rin’s eyes were twinkling and his smile didn’t fade. It was so annoying, the way his heart kept skipping, but Haru realized with a start that he was allowed to feel that way now. It made him smile—nothing like Rin’s, but enough that Rin noticed, because his grin widened in response. Then he was walking backwards, his overnight bag slung perfectly casually over his shoulder. His eyes never left Haru’s as he put his bag in the trunk and buckled up. They were still shining when Mrs. Matsuoka pulled away, his hand half-raised and his smile only tapered by him biting the inside of his cheek. Haru watched it all, frozen on his porch and still warm from Rin’s body heat, desperately hoping that he remembered to charge his phone.

*

Haru jogged into his bedroom, not caring if the towel wrapped around his hair was slipping or if his half-wet torso was dripping on his floor. His sole focus was on his getting to his cell phone as quickly as possible. When his eyes locked on its dark-screened form resting on his bed, a wave of relief rushed through him. Then just as quickly, he was lunging for it, the towel completely sliding off at his movement. His thumb nearly shook as it hit the side power button. The milliseconds between the black screen and its illumination were overflowing with anticipation at what his home screen would hold. But the seconds passed, and all of the hope rushed out of him just as quickly, as he was greeted by the same, empty generic ocean lock-screen and the aesthetic time stamp reading 9:38.

A sigh seemingly larger than his body ripped from inside of him. Shoulders sagging, Haru trudged over to his dresser, silently selecting a worn t-shirt and shorts and shrugging them on. He stepped over the discarded towel without a thought and flopped face-down on his futon. However, his position buried in the blankets only made him more aware of how much his mind was spinning. With a grunt, he rolled onto his back. His eyes scanned the ceiling, searching for a distraction. Compulsorily, his fingers gripped at his phone and pulled it against his chest like it was permanently attached to him. He resisted the temptation for a moment, but felt his fingers flip the phone face-up. It lit up to the same pristine scene of the ocean, and Haru tore his gaze away.

Rin said that he would text, he thought. He almost wished he hadn’t said that to reassure him, because now his mind was jumping a million different directions to countless conclusions that were making more and more sense as more and more minutes ticked away with his ocean background blinking back at him. It had been hours. Surely, Rin had a few spare moments to check his phone. That left Haru with the all-consuming, chest-concaving question—why hadn’t he texted? Had something happened to him on his way home? Had he lost all of his contacts, and was trying to communicate with Haru through email or by mailing letters? Most frequently, however, his mind circled back to the insecurity at the very core of Haru’s being—had he changed his mind about wanting this relationship?

This fear kept pressing in on him, even as Haru reminded himself of how illogical it sounded. He remembered Rin’s blush from that morning, the softness in his eyes he’d never seen, and the illegally large width of his smile. All of that, as well as the warmth of Rin’s hand in his, had been very real. Yet as much as he replayed these memories over and over, the creeping suspicion that it was all too good to be true kept tricking in from the back of his mind until it was almost consuming all of his thoughts. It was only invigorated by the continued ticking of the clock while his phone remained messageless. At first, he feared that his phone was having issues. Rin’s snide comment was well-placed, as he was notoriously bad at using technology. He was terrified that despite his infrequent use, he had turned on some setting that blocked all texts from being received. After fifteen minutes with this fear at the front of his mind, he caved and texted Makoto.

H: Hey can my phone receive messages (3:04)

M: …Yes? Why wouldn’t it? (3:05)

H: Nvm just curious (3:05)  
H: Thanks (3:07)

M: No problem! (3:07)  
M: Why…are expecting a message from someone or something? (3:07)  
M: Haru?!? (3:07)

H: Shut up I’m not (3:07)  
H: I have to go the mackerel’s burning (3:07)

M: Haru it’s 3 in the afternoon why are you making mackerel (3:08)  
M: Unless you’re lying to me… (3:08)

H: Bye (3:09)

M: Fine, keep your secrets…if there is someone, though, I’m happy for you!! :D (3:10)

Knowing that his phone did work gave Haru a brief hiatus from worrying, but his nagging thoughts came back with a vengeance as the day dragged on. He tried to quiet them by reminding himself of what Rin had said, hoping that the facts of the day could calm him down. However, rationality went out the window after dinner hit, so he threw himself into every task he could so he could think of anything besides his phone lighting up. He worked ahead on homework and made the whole relay team mackerel bento boxes for lunch the next day. Still, his mind kept looping back to one aggravating, redheaded menace. Surely, he had to know what his lack of contact felt like to Haru. The thought made Haru cold inside. He felt almost mad at Rin for his lack of response. But when that thought creeped into his head, he instantly felt even worse with the added guilt. He knew he wasn’t actually mad—Rin had done nothing wrong—and his spiraling was getting out of hand. Hoping it would calm him down, he decided to take a bath. However, not even the water could stop his mind from focusing on what he could be missing on the small black device a room away.

Now, post-bath, Haru ignored the cold press of his damp hair against his neck and instead asked himself why he was spiraling so badly. He thought back to the way he felt when he and Rin spoke on his porch. His heart had nearly combusted with nerves before he could even speak. But when he did…Haru’s clamped lips reluctantly spread into a faint whisper of a smile. Memories of Rin’s eyes widening at Haru’s words, his hand on Haru’s back, and his hug before he left danced in his head, pushing his fears to the recesses of his mind. Haru couldn’t describe it any other way than amazing. That was why he was so nervous, he realized. These feelings of giddiness were so new and good, he was terrified they were going to be taken away. Added with his insecurities, Haru was being consumed by a perfect storm. Today had been amazing, but Rin could change his mind—he has the right to change his mind, and everything could change so fast…

Buzz.

Haru’s heart leaped. Whatever he had been pondering was yanked from his mind as he was consumed with the meaning behind that noise, that feeling against his chest. Quickly, however, even his tsunami of thoughts was drowned out by the thudding of his heart in his ears. The pounding told him that he didn’t have to think anymore; he knew what that noise meant. He felt something like butterflies insides him in anticipation. Could he even check his phone now that he knew what awaited him? 

It buzzed again, and he couldn’t restrain himself any longer. Shooting up into a sitting position, he yanked the phone off his chest and into his hand with blinding speed. His eyes had barely focused on the screen he was moving so fast, but at the sight of the notification reading Message: Matsuoka Rin, Haru ceased breathing. He aggressively shoved his thumb on the home button, only to be denied twice by his rushed angle. His heart clawed up his throat until the phone finally unlocked, leaving him opening the app as if in a trance. Haru had to blink twice before Rin’s message even came into focus. His head was spinning he worried that he wouldn’t be able to comprehend it. Nonetheless, he quieted his thoughts the best he could and read the message.

R: yo (9:43)

Haru blinked. His eyes scanned the message again. It still said: “yo.” His all-day anguish had been over two letters, a word that wasn’t even capitalized. A part of Haru was endlessly bitter at this thought, while the other was aggravatingly giddy that the message had come through. Although he hated to admit it, he was consumed with excitement at the prospect. He turned over the word over and over in his mind. What did that even mean? He felt his heart start to pound as he tried to think it over. It was a frequent greeting of Rin’s…did that mean that he wanted to talk as they usually did? But wait, he rarely texted Haru before—maybe he meant to start a conversation with Haru now! Haru breathed out deeply. His blue eyes narrowed on the bright screen, his hands cradling his phone to his chest like it was precious. He should type something back. He racked his brain for something interesting to say, something to start the conversation he and Rin seemed to want so badly, all while his heartbeats thrummed loud in his mind. Too many emotions were swimming inside of him to think properly. Nonetheless, his fingers did the work for him, typing and hitting send before he could stop to analyze what he was saying.

H: hey (9:45)

Haru read back his text feeling nothing short of horror at his own actions. Raking a hand through his hair, he willed the message back into his phone so Rin didn’t have to read it. When had he ever said “hey?” God, he sounded so obviously casual. Having known Haru for years, Rin would easily be able to see through his fake-casual front. Why had he sent that? He tugged his knees to his chest, hiding behind them as if he could hide from what he had sent. He was half-hidden when he felt his phone vibrate from half-buried in his sheets. Haru’s heart jolted. Tentatively, he peeked his head from the side of his knee. It took what felt like years for him to reach for his phone. He tapped the home button like it was molten lava, squinting at his phone screen, expecting the worst.

R: wyd (9:45)

All of the air wooshed out of Haru’s chest. His whole form sagged against his knee, and he let it, pulling his phone closer to him. A small smile tugged at his lips as he stared down at the phone. Haru could read Rin as well. His lack of teasing at Haru’s message, as well as his own clipped responses, could only mean one thing: Rin was nervous as well. Haru felt soft inside at the thought of Rin resorting to his tough front to cover up his nerves for speaking to him. Moreover, it made him less terrified of texting back, knowing that the consuming fears of losing this giddiness were mutual. His fingers flew, and he hit send, leaning his cheek into his knee to hide his smile.

H: Just took a bath (9:46)  
H: What about you? What did you do today (9:46)

He didn’t shy away as his phone vibrated again. He shifted to get more comfy in his position and patiently waited for the dots to turn into grey bubbles.

R: haha ofc you did (9:46)  
R: idk why I even asked lol (9:46)  
R: and mom made gou and I help her make food for some bake sale all afternoon (;¬_¬) (9:46)  
R: after that I had practice, and then had to tutor Momo with his maths homework (9:46)  
R: I didn’t mind ofc, gotta be a good senpai and all, but I kind of wanted some free time today… (9:47)

Haru felt a blush come on against his will. He could read past Rin’s charade easy enough. He knew the last text meant that he wanted free time to talk to Haru. Haru wanted to roll his eyes at how ridiculous Rin’s subtle sappiness was, but he found he was more frustrated that he was flustered by him than genuinely annoyed. Moreover, the tension he had felt all day about his lack of response was dissipating with every text. He felt somewhat guilty he had jumped to such drastic conclusions, but was more at ease knowing that it had all been in his head. He read Rin’s text again and rolled his eyes for real, ignoring the warmth on his cheeks. Rin clearly felt the same for him, that was obvious now. Haru’s hands flew across the keyboard, only thinking about making Rin feel just as flustered.

H: Wow you poor thing, never getting a break :’( (9:47)  
H: I’m taking up your free time, too. You can stop texting me if you want to unwind (9:47)

Haru’s heart pounded at the flirty messages. He turned his face further into his knee, so he could barely see Rin’s bubbles appear and disappear out of his right eye. He felt his smile growing at Rin’s typing, envisioning his real-life exasperation at his messages. His initial feelings of fear were replaced by excitement at his ability to make Rin choked up, too. Haru refreshed his phone as Rin finally sent his chosen reply.

R: smh (9:48)  
R: you know I want to talk to you, right? (9:48)  
R: I think you know what you’re doing you imp but this is new for me, too, so I thought I’d be clearer (9:48)  
R: I’ve been looking forward to talking to you all day (9:49)

Haru exhaled sharply. He hadn’t expected Rin’s touch façade to drop so quickly, let alone be told such vulnerable things. Really, he shouldn’t have been surprised—he always knew how sappily romantic the redhead was—but he found himself floored, his heartbeat seemingly the only working part of him as he stared blankly down at his phone. It seemed Rin had managed to win their competition of flustering each other, although Haru would never admit it to him. He shifted so he was sitting crisscrossed on his bed before cradling his phone in his lap and staring at the blinking cursor with his brow furrowed. How did Rin expect him respond to that sap? Eventually, he quieted the butterflies clouding his mind and typed his message.

H: Me too. (9:51)

R: （‐＾▽＾‐) (9:51)

H: … (9:51)  
H: you’re so sappy (9:51)

R: but you like me!! (9:51)

H: … (9:51)

R: haruuu (9:51)

H: maybe (9:52)

R: :’D (9:52)

Haru bit the inside of his cheek. What did they say now? In the same moment, he felt like he wanted to tell Rin so much they would be up for hours and like he had nothing to say at all. He sighed mournfully and refreshed his phone. Even though Rin had texted last, a part of him hoped he would see three dots that would relieve him of having to choose the conversational topic. But the same messages blinked back up at him. His eyebrows knit again. In his head, he could practically see Rin in his Samezuka dorm, hunched over his phone in Haru’s same position, wanting a response, a continuation of whatever this was, more than anything. His heart clenched. With that image in his head, he began to type. Although he was terrified, he reminded himself that Rin wanted the same thing, and seemed just as nervous. He wanted to be brave for both of them, to make Rin feel the same way he made Haru giddy.

H: So what do you want to talk about? (9:54)

Three dots greeted Haru, and his stomach fluttered.

R: well, I think in relationships, people talk about each other (9:54)  
R: try to get to know them better (9:54)

Haru ignored the way his chest clenched at Rin’s messages and sent before he could rethink how flirtatious he was being.

H: smh I know enough about you (9:54)

Rin’s disappearing and reappearing dots filled Haru with unquantifiable satisfaction and darker cheeks.

R: rude (9:55)

Haru smirked at the message Rin had settled on. He began to type, only to be interrupted by more messages from the redhead.

R: this is how you treat your boyfriend after a long day? ( ͒˃̩̩⌂˂̩̩ ͒) (9:55)

He rolled his eyes. Rin truly was so overdramatic. Still, his ridiculousness somehow made his chest feel all tingly, as much as he tried to deny it while he typed out a response.

H: I’m joking (9:55)  
H: I guess you’re cute when you’re extra like that (9:55)

Haru pulled his knees to his chest again, hiding in them further as Rin’s response chimed in.

R: haruuu you think I’m cute?? (9:55)  
R: (灬♥ω♥灬) (9:55)

H: I’m literally going to block your number (9:56)  
H: I said I do (9:56)  
H: Now shut up abt it (9:56)

R: askfjdf I will I promise (9:57)  
R: idk I’m just excited you think that, because I really like you, Haru (9:57)  
R: and even though we’ve been friends for a long time, I want to get to know you more if you’d like? (9:58)

Rin’s texts hit Haru like another spear to his chest. Unable to stand it, Haru flung his phone on the bedsheets and buried his flaming cheeks in his hands. How dare Rin be so caring! He couldn’t handle this much sappiness! Haru stifled a groan at the thought of Rin’s heartfelt text. Of course he wanted the same thing. He had only teased Rin earlier because it was easier for him to hide behind their normal banter than be open with his emotions. He wished that he could be more vulnerable for Rin’s sake, but the thought of saying such sappy things petrified him, reciprocated or not. His hands shook as he typed out the only answer he could bring himself to say.

H: Me too (9:59)

R: !! (9:59)  
R: made my night （‐＾▽＾‐) (9:59)  
R: made my whole day but you probably already knew that, haha (10:00)  
R: so, haruka… (10:00)  
R: what’s your favorite song? :D (10:00)

Haru couldn’t help the smile that came at Rin’s ridiculous messages. Calling him Haruka for whatever reason…he rolled his eyes at Rin—his boyfriend’s—efforts to charm him. To get to know more about him, he thought again, and his chest felt painfully warm.

H: You don’t have to call me that (10:01)  
H: And I don’t really listen to music a lot, but I like the popular ones on the radio that Gou plays at practice (10:01)

R: I can’t with you… (10:02)

H: What? (10:02)

R: my sister’s shitty j-pop groups?! (10:02)  
R: haruu you’re killing me (10:02)

Haru smirked at Rin’s obvious distaste, as he had suspected he’d receive. He truthfully didn’t listen to a lot of music on his own, and wasn’t that attached to Gou’s practice playlists, but it was fun to get more rises out of Rin. He only wished he could see the way Rin’s eyebrows were undoubtedly knitting in exasperation at him, and smiled bigger when he remembered he may have the chance to soon with their new relationship.

H: I didn’t know it was a crime to like popular music (10:03)

R: …it isn’t (10:03)  
R: ugh it just makes my life more difficult (10:04)

H: What do you mean? (10:04)

R: … (10:04)  
R: nvm, let’s talk about your favorite movies now (10:04)

H: Why does that make your life more difficult? (10:04)

R: haha…okay this might sound really weird (10:05)  
R: pls promise you won’t freak out? (10:05)

H: Sure (10:05)

R: well, I figured you didn’t really listen to music a lot, and I do, so I was going to make a playlist for you? (10:06)  
R: with songs you like (I guess) and ones that make me think of you (10:06)  
R: god that sounds so creepy and way too soon I’m sorry if this is freaking you out (10:06)  
R: I won’t do it if it makes you uncomfortable (10:06)  
R: music just helps me sort out my feelings (10:06)  
R: and clearly, I have a lot of feelings for you (10:06)

Haru blinked at the screen in front of him. Rin’s words settled over him and his cheeks felt on fire with their meaning. He wanted to make him a playlist…his jaw had fallen slightly slack. Haru felt too much for him in that moment, briefly wondering if this was what Rin felt like all of the time. He was so lucky. Swallowing his fears, his hands found the keyboard, desperate for Rin to understand how cherished his annoyingly sappy gestures were.

H: I don’t think that’s weird (10:07)  
H: so sweet (10:07)

R: what?

H: Sorry. I meant that you’re so sweet (10:07)  
H: It’s unfair (10:07)

R: fsdjfsk haru! you saying that is really sweet (10:07)

H: Still, I feel bad (10:07)  
H: You can talk about what you feel so easily and make playlists about it, but it’s harder for me (10:07)  
H: But I want you to know that I really appreciate it (10:08)  
H: And that I care about you a lot, too (10:08)  
He clicked the power button on his phone as he let out a long breath. As much as a part of him was afraid of Rin’s response, he kept his phone face-up, so seconds later, he was greeted by the ocean view and a text from Rin.

R: hARU (10:08)  
R: !!! (10:08)

Haru smiled. He felt brave again. He swiped his phone open to respond.

H: I can see you blushing from here (10:08)

R: yeah, yeah… (10:08)  
R: you’re blushing too!! (10:09)

H: …maybe. (10:09)

R: you’re adorable (10:09)  
R: also, thank you for telling me that (10:09)  
R: I know being open with what you’re feeling is hard for you and I never want you to feel like you have to respond to me doing something sappy (10:09)  
R: I like you the way you are (10:09)  
R: you don’t have to always show that you like me back :D I know I’m irresistible… ;) (10:09)

H: Mhm (10:10)  
H: Keep telling yourself that… (10:10)

R: wow (10:10)  
R: no one warned me you’d be more ruthless dating me than before (;¬_¬) (10:10)

H: Maybe that’s how I show how I care (10:11)

R: and that’s why you’re sweet to everyone else but me? aw haru so sweet you only care about me… (10:11)

H: On second thought maybe it’s reserved for people that drive me crazy (10:11)

R: what kind of crazy? ;p (10:12)

H: I’m going to block your number (10:12)

Haru plugged his phone into the charger. He couldn’t remember the last time he smiled this wide. He was eternally grateful Rin wasn’t here in person to gloat about it being because of him, even though Haru was giddy at the notion. Things were really different, and a bit terrifying, but in the best way.

H: Not really. (10:13)  
H: Would you like to tell me about your favorite music? (10:13)

They talked about Rin’s favorite music and marine animals and more and more subjects until it was well past 11. Haru only moved to shift slightly against his headboard; his phone never left his hand. Even as his eyes were drooping shut and he had fallen against his pillow, he held onto the device like a lifeline, staring blearily at the bright screen and understanding only half of the symbols. Half-asleep, the thought dawned on him that he had stayed up so late talking to his boyfriend. Haru sank further into his pillow with a content sigh.  
His phone timed out, and he drifted off to sleep. A minute later, the screen lit up, showing the ocean background and two unread texts.

R: as if. sharks could best dolphins any day of the week. next question. (11:44)  
R: lol I think you fell asleep. hope you sleep well so I can kick your ass fairly when I race you next…and bc you deserve it. goodnight haru (*^_^*) (11:57)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone subscribed to this fic! I'm v overwhelmed at the amount of support I have so far, so I hope this lived up to the hype! I should be able to post more regularly since I am on a break from school and have the rest of the fic outlined. Hope y'all enjoyed this fluff as much as I did before we get whipped back to the pain in the next chapter ;)


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